Tuesday, August 13, 2002

Introduction
On the run (again)

If you don’t like my emails, or simply aren’t interested in hearing from me (it’s been over a year after all) then read the short version, it will keep you fully informed. However, if you are sitting at work trying to decide if you should have another go at Freecell maybe you have the time (and you’d enjoy) reading the longer version.

Short Version: I’m leaving for England. I’ll be there at least a year. This email address will be the best way to contact me.

Longer Version: My parents are very wise, a fact that is commonly overlooked considering MY general lack of wisdom. Nevertheless they ARE wise, so when my mom said “Spencer I am sure you are popular somewhere, just not here in North America,” I took it to heart and I have thusly devised my escape. I flee, in disgrace, on August 31 to Great Britain (or as I will have to get used to writing it 31 August because they do the dates backward in Europe). If I return (cue organ music) it won’t be until late ’03. It is my sincere hope that “No Doubt” is not popular in England. I’ll be spending my first week in England in London living off Barb Burns’ fat lawyer’s paycheck as her boy toy (tough gig). Then I’m going to bike from the extreme Northeast of the Isle to the extreme Southwest. You didn’t know I was into biking, did you? Well, in the last 10 years I have biked approximately 10 miles. Some of those miles were on a trip to Ireland with Scott Cook, hilarity ensued when, during a driving rain, Scott’s seat broke off his bike nearly ruining his sphincter. The remaining miles were taken up when in a fit of vigor I awoke one morning and decided to bike over the Golden Gate Bridge. Unfortunately, once across the bridge I was struck by a severe case of the margaritas forcing me to take the ferry back. Sure, some of you may think that I am nowhere near qualified for a 1000+ mile ride that must be completed in 21 days. Enter exhibit A, one Leigh Nagy, who acts as my inspiration. Leigh (and various friends) biked across the whole US under similar training circumstances. And, get this, she’s a WOMAN. Yeah, it’s true. Now I don’t mean to imply that I am stronger or more intelligent than she is (because, all sarcasm aside, I’m not- she's seriously tough and smart and hopefully will not hurt me for writing this). I am simply implying that the desire to make it to the next pub before closing time is a bigger motivating factor for a man than a woman (I read an article to that effect in Business Week, although there are obviously a few notable exceptions).

Biking across Britain is very challenging, for instance there are more ghosts and werewolves in Scotland than there are people, not to mention the dangers associated with too much whisky (did you know that if you spell whiskey with an e it is from America however if it is from Scotland they leave off the e, this is why guide books are so handy) and consider this- I’ll be spending the bulk of the trip in England a country filled with English, the only people in the history of the world to ever be conquered by the French (it’s true). That’s a chilling thought. I'm not even going to get into the other challenges such as the rain, the wind and the constant threat of Viking invasion. On the trip I will be passing through the towns of Tongue and Cheddar so if you would like me to drop off some of your favorite recipes to the proper authorities I will do so (do any of my friends have really good recipes for tongue). I will pass close to, but unfortunately not close enough to visit, the towns of Wookey Hole, Rugby, Fraserburgh (they nearly spelled it right) and Cockermouth.

After the trip I will attend school for as long as I can stand the nonsense. I’d give you my email address at school, but it is so long it is nearly a haiku (England hasn’t caught on to the convenience aspects of the Internet). If you really must have it I will send it later. I will be turning off my cell this month, so this email address is the best way to get in touch with me. Naturally if anyone would like to visit Portland while I am here that’d be great.

Also, I know it’s a little early to start planning New Year’s but if people are interested in coming to GB that’d be neat-o. Think Edinburgh at New Year’s. Think Auld Lang Sine with authentic single malt. Think London (I’m living an hour train ride from London). Think Wookey Hole. Think about cheesing Jamie-Boy. How many visitors did you have in Germany while you were defending our country? I thought so, now sit down.

Lots of love (to most of you),

Spencer